“Movie Wisdom”

The great thing about Paris is that you can always see the Eiffel Tower from your room, whether you’re an artist in a tiny garret or a millionaire in a first-class hotel. Just look out the window and there it is. We who have spent much of our lives at the movies know this to be a fact, having seen it demonstrated on many occasions.
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Fans of traditional western movies, for example, know that the gunmen on the American frontier settled their disputes fair and square, meeting in one-on-one main-street pistol duels, ideally at noon.
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Over the last 25 years or so the movies have also taught me that there’s no such thing as a good man who is also rich.
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[Y]ou can be sure that the nicest, sweetest, most helpful character who appears in the early scenes will likely die before the end (providing he or she is not a star).
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If we are watching a movie about people in Biblical times, we can expect that they will sometimes wear ragged clothes but their teeth will always be perfect.
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[I]t’s in the matter of romance and courtship that Movie Wisdom provides the most helpful guide to life. It teaches us that if a man and a woman intensely dislike each other when they meet, they will soon fall in love and marry. It warns us that if a girl has sex just once, she’ll for sure get pregnant, particularly if she’s only 16. When a baby is about to be born, the important thing is to boil a lot of water. Who could do without this information?

Always settle scores at noon: And other lessons learned at the movies,” By Robert Fulford, National Post, September 9, 2008

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